I WAS COMPLETELY ORTHOREXIC

15 years or so ago, I was at my family’s cottage that we rent every year for a couple weeks in the summer. I had recently got into fitness about two years earlier (around 2006) after my older cousin Steve showed me a physical copy of the Crossfit Journal in which he was showcased to demonstrate the military’s use of the Crossfit style of training.

I had just finished working out, doing some random WOD since I became obsessed with Crossfit at the time. I was probably 150 pounds, 5’10”, had a 6 pack, and worked out every single day. Low key addicted to working out. I most certainly wasn't consuming enough calories to support my level of physical activity every day.

After the workout I came inside to eat a meal - probably tuna sandwiches. I was still hungry after the meal was done. I started searching through the kitchen cabinets to find something.

BAM - raisin bran cereal. That'll hit the spot (yikes). Maybe throw a few blueberries in. My dad was a white knight for rice milk so that’s probably what I used to mix with it. Pasteurized cow dairy was only in the fridge when my mom needed it for her coffee and tea.

I remember overthinking my portions as I poured it into a bowl. Then continuing to worry if this was too much food for me to be eating after the meal I already had consumed. I don’t remember exactly how it went, but I recall some amount of continued worry and concern about eating a very reasonably sized bowl of raisin bran… Yeah, raisin bran. I was getting neurotic about the tantalizing, rich decadence that is raisin bran. Based on my goals, activity level and current physique, this wasn’t a healthy way to deal with eating.

I was completely orthorexic. And in my attempts to be more physically healthy, I was becoming less mentally healthy.

This is exactly the stuff I teach to my nutrition clients as things to avoid and at the very least be aware of. One way that helps us to avoid them is by building habits and thought patterns that support a healthy approach to eating - the most important one being mindfulness.

In case you might not know, orthorexia nervosa is a form of disordered eating that is defined as a dietary theory or set of beliefs about healthy foods, exaggerated emotional distress in relationship to food choices that are perceived as unhealthy, and clinical impairment because of compulsive dietary behaviors and mental preoccupation.

Orthorexia is not recognized in the DSM-5 as a legitimate disorder and that probably makes sense since it’s pretty ambiguous and often pairs with other notable conditions such as OCD, bulimia, anorexia and body dysmorphia. However, it is essentially covered in the DSM-5 under the larger diagnostic umbrella called Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID).

For some reason that moment stood out to me, probably because I was able to recognize that my behaviour wasn’t entirely “healthy” while simultaneously feeling like I couldn’t stop it from happening.

Since then, I still regularly struggle with body image issues, anxiety around certain foods, and other unhealthy behaviours around eating and exercising. However, I have improved a ton and am a lot more aware of my tendencies, which make it a lot easier to identify and subsequently manage.

I am grateful for my challenges in the past because they have blessed me with the experience and understanding needed to help my clients who may also struggle with similar things. Too often you will see fitness professionals and coaches who struggle to empathize with their clients because they never faced similar problems.

If you need help with emotional eating, cravings you can’t control, and struggle with losing weight and keeping it off in a sustainable way then you can see what our other clients have to say by clicking here.

If you are struggling with a legitimate eating or anxiety disorder then I recommend you reach out to a qualified mental health professional that deals in that area. If you aren’t sure if what you suffer from requires support from a mental health professional then reach out to one anyway.

• Tim

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