Why Doing Cocaine Everyday Made Me A Better Coach

Written By Timothy Walcott

I did cocaine every day for two years. I always had some on me. Not much, but I always had it. Kept it in my sock by my ankle usually. When I think back on those times, I remember this compelling feeling of perpetually looking for an experience or an emotion that I wasn’t even sure how to explain.

This phenomenon has been coined “chasing the dragon”. Anyone who knows what “chasing the dragon is” or has experienced what I’m talking about will know exactly how this feels.

Interestingly, this feeling isn’t exclusive to drugs. In my world as a fitness coach, I actually see it all the time. I see it in people and their relationship with food. Eating dinner and scraping the plate, then having seconds despite being full. Maybe going into the kitchen after to see what sweets are in the cupboards. Grabbing a sleeve of Oreos and heading back to the couch for Netflix. If that didn’t do the trick then checking the freezer for ice cream.

Maybe you can relate.

The interesting part is that a problem with food is infinitely more challenging to manage long term than a problem with cocaine. This is because you can’t quit food cold turkey. In fact, you can’t quit food at all. You will have to mend your relationship with it eventually since you will need to eat to live.

Other reasons that make food addiction so challenging is that it’s pervasive throughout our social landscape. I can avoid situations where there is cocaine but I can’t say the same about food. There will be food at most social functions, and even worse, there will be food in my house when I get home after a long day.

Luckily, I don’t struggle with disordered eating as much as I used to. But many people do. And a lot of those people are my clients. I’m thankful for my experience with drugs because it helps me understand my clients when they tell me things like “I couldn’t stop eating last night after work was done and I didn’t even enjoy any of it”.

While I don’t diagnose or treat eating disorders, going through my own experiences with addiction has helped me empathize with my clients when they struggle with their weight. Kinda crazy that years of cocaine abuse has helped me serve my clients better.

It’s been 10 years now since I bought my first bag of coke in the parking lot of the BMO at Bloor and Windermere in Toronto. For the next several years, I probably spent close to 30k on cocaine alone. I never did it without booze. And booze let me do way more coke which let me drink way more booze. So you can add a hefty alcohol tab on top of that. Sprinkle in some molly, weed and a regular pack of cigarettes and you’d have a number that could have otherwise done some serious good in the world.

Grateful that nobody is too far gone to change for the better. Grateful for the grace and opportunity afforded to me so that I could find redemption. I’ve had some of my hardest days this past year but they’re a different kind of hard. My worst day now is so much better than my best day back then. I never said it once back then, but I say it a lot these days… life is good.

Struggle and redemption, guilt and grace, binge and benevolence. Whether it’s food, drugs, sex, shopping, porn, diet pop, or Netflix, the emotions and experience overlap tremendously.

Blessed to be in a position where I am able to empathize and help others through their own struggles.

If you need help learning how to enjoy food in a healthy balance and improve your relationship with food then reply to this email. I would be happy to show you how I help my clients successfully do this.

Much love, Tim


Timothy Walcott
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